Supermommies
Life doesn't come with a manual, it comes with a mother.
Whoever said this, said it on behalf of all of us mothers.
It’s mother’s day today, Yayy! Let’s celebrate, let down our hair mommas, dance, sip some wine, go out with friends, watch a movie or get a spa or mani-pedi done! Wait Wait Wait. We can’t, can we?
It’s 2021. We have been at home for more than a year now. At least I have been, for exactly 1 year and 2 months; I could give you the exact hours just to be precise, but I will save you from the overload of data.
You talk as if, if it wasn’t the year of COVID pandemic, we would be out and about celebrating. Trust me I can see those eyerolls. Hear the sarcasm and it was a joke, chill.
If we go out and celebrate, who is going to take care of these little ones and not so little ones? Who is going to wake up at dawn and break their heads trying to decide a menu which will be eaten by everyone in the house and also decide a supplemental menu, just in case? Who is going to separate the clean clothes from dirty ones, make some space in the house amidst the mess so that people can walk through safely without stepping on potential hazards? Who is going to keep the house from falling down?
So let’s go back to our duties, shall we? Well the entire reason for writing this post is not to magnify our issues (as if they need any magnification at all & not glaring on our faces already!) nor be a punching bag for all the tired mommas all around the globe (but that would be so good). This one year of isolation, quarantine, living inside the four walls with the family and seeing them at all odd hours, has taught me one thing – I am so much stronger than I thought myself to be. The reason I am even sitting down and writing this post after a brief gap of 16 months is that this needs to be read by all those moms who feel they are alone in their struggle. They could use some much needed cheer. That is the real motive of re-opening my blog page, drafting this post.
I have a 4 year old who needs constant supervision due to a lot of reasons and I thought the first three years were hard – the lack of sleep, the mental plus physical stress of watching her, being a mommy, doing each and everything on my own; then came 2020 – the year of pandemic. Ten days of being inside the house, our routines thrown into a disarray, fear took over our lives, unsure of what the future held, I braced myself for an extra hard year. And oh boy was it hard with just one kid, do you ask?
Yes it was! Very very very hard! Kids aren’t supposed to be home. They are supposed to be outdoors, jumping, running, playing in parks, schools, making new friends, socializing. Try keeping them locked inside the home, watch them turn into angry bubbles. The good things about kids is they adjust. They did get accustomed to this novel situation after some initial hiccups!
Moms across the globe stepped down from their jobs, decided to become stay-at-home moms because the children could no longer go to the daycares, kept their careers on hold and ensured to be there for their families. So much changed in 2020 and it’s still changing. The effectiveness of the vaccine can only be decided in 2022 or may be later when we hear no more new cases. But let’s get back to the point of writing this blog post.
Can we clap for those moms who didn’t get to catch a break since this quarantine started? They have to cook, clean, practice extra hygiene measures, make sure everyone is healthy, hydrated, looked after, fed . Atleast, until 2019 they could send their kids to school, daycares, parks, playdates, now suddenly everything stopped!
If you are a bachelor or family with no kids, and you are making faces while reading this, saying your lives are equally hard, then please stop reading. I will not spend my energy arguing with you and comparing our lives, because I do not have that extra energy. I am exhausted!
After 6 months of staying indoors, not following any particular routine, watching that toddler scream to go outdoors, cooking and cleaning non stop, I was going into the worst kind of depression in my life. I wasn’t sure if life was ever going to change. Then disaster struck and my father tested covid positive. Without going into the excruciating details let me tell you that my mother cared for my father round the clock, non stop. She has a myriad of health issues herself, but did she ensure dad made his recovery and had his share of fruits, vegetables, soup, kadhas, medicines on time? She did. Tirelessly. Without a break, she cared for him day after day just the way she had cared for us when we were kids. Did she say she isn’t feeling up to it? Did she ever say she is drained or she is scared that might have contracted the virus? You already know the answer.
That is a mother. She cares, she nurtures, she loves selflessly, she is a reincarnation of God. Whatever we say in the praise of a mother is lesser than what she truly deserves. This is not me saying that, ask yourself, look around, observe those moms struggling to maintain an equilibrium in the house, enduring so much, uncomplaining, only sometimes agitated when pushed to their limits yet regaining their composure, doing their duties day after day after day.
Today the world is different, dads are stepping up. They are putting a lot of efforts in being equal partners & co-parenting. I have come across some dads like that. In this post I am going to talk about these men who make the world a better place. However, in major parts of the world, I see occasional dads (that’s what I call them!)
They will take up the role of a doting dad on days they feel like, otherwise they just simply forget that they have a kid who is equally theirs and it’s their solemn duty to share the responsibility of the kid.
No, paying the bills isn’t enough.
No, buying them toys isn’t enough.
No, cooking them one meal out of 21 meals of a week isn’t enough.
Driving them around doesn’t cut it at all.
You know what is the biggest thing you could do?
Spend some quality time with your kid(s) and let that mommy catch up on a long overdue nap.
Don’t just cook a dish, clean up the kitchen and do the dishes after you are done.
Do the laundry once a week!
Ask your partner what needs to be done and do it without a complaint.
That movie on Netflix which you are sitting down to watch while the mommy struggles with her chores, will be available on Hulu or Prime tomorrow. But the moments you are letting pass by are not coming back.
There is so much that a woman could do if someone ticks off 10 items from her list of one thousand duties. It is going to make her day. This year flowers, cards and cake are not going to cut a deal but these tiny things are going to bring the biggest smile on the lady’s face!
In my one year of staying indoors, praying for everyone’s safety all across the globe, avoiding the overload of negative news; I became thankful to be able to live one extra day on the earth, defeat the virus one more day. I became more observant of the people I interacted with on a daily basis (virtually of course) and I witnessed the transformation of moms into SUPERMOMMIES.
They handle jobs, homes, kids, families, so much more and with abundant positivity. Today’s post is dedicated to all such fascinating ladies who are doing so much more than an ordinary human being possibly can!
My friend Sonia, she has two daughters, she is a stay-at-home mother. Her doors are always open for anyone seeking friendship, comfort and good food. She didn’t close her doors even during Covid. She chose to trust people. She celebrates all Indian festivals with pomp and show. The way their family celebrates Ganesh Pooja, Lakshmi pooja, Diwali with friends and neighbors is absolutely commendable. You get the feeling of being in India whenever you are a part of those functions. They make sure their kids are accustomed to all the cultural practices.
From the very first time I met her until today, I am yet to walk into her house and find a messy spot. I do that sometimes though, visit her at odd hours; waiting to say Eureka!! I found dust! 6 years, so far unsuccessful.
Her younger daughter is a year smaller than mine. She is one happy, obedient, cute kid. After pestering Sonia to spill the beans and share her superpowers with me, to help ease my life, she said in her family her mental and emotional health is always prioritized. She has her space and she could take breaks from being a mom whenever she wanted.
When I asked her if she had to make any sacrifices at all after she became a mom, pat came her reply – No!
Her secret was not a secret afterall, it was the support of her husband, a superdaddy who didn’t shy away in the slightest from his responsibilities. If Sonia fed their daughter breakfast and lunch, he cooked and fed their daughter dinner. If she wanted to spend the night or two with a friend, he drove and dropped her, even though he knew their daughter wouldn’t sleep without mommy, he decided to take that risk. Did I mention it was a weeknight? For him nothing mattered more than her mental health and happiness. He knew that if she was happy, the house would reverberate with happiness. Whenever I asked them how they managed to have such a clean house (I struggle to have a clean room!) , they casually replied that if one person cleaned the floor, the other cleaned the kitchen. If two people made the efforts of sharing duties, things automatically became easier. They simplified such a complicated problem that families have faced from the beginning of time and still struggle till date.
As long as we are talking about sharing responsibilities and superdaddies supporting their better halves, it’s of crucial importance to talk about another impressive supercouple and Supermommy – my dear friend, Grishma!
She is one of a kind. I often joke that she has 28 hours in her day, because she accomplishes so much more than a normal person could. She is a mother of two sons.
Imagine keeping 2 boys inside the house for a year and parallelly eating healthy (zero take outs), losing weight, finishing college, getting a fulltime job, running a health group to create an awareness among women to eat healthy , constantly motivating women to step up to their best game? She does it all and so much more! On top of all this, call her or text her for advice or maybe vent at any hour of the day, she is all ears. I have known her for 2 years now. I am yet to ever hear her complain or vent or even grumble about not being able to meet our parents back in India or wishing to spend a day in peace or just resting. She is always positive, her manner of speech always uplifting, she is a powerhouse of affirmative energy. Amidst everything she has managed to lead an extremely healthy life. She credits her energy to the right balance of good nutrition and exercise. But where does even one find time? I struggle to find five extra minutes in my day!
Her secret is that there are no defined parenting roles in their house. She strongly believes that setting boundaries limits our abilities to take care of kids in the best possible manner. What a wonderful thought! If only all parents thought that way, wouldn’t parenting be much easier? She also adds kids need parents – not specifically mom or dad for any of their needs. Sheprepares meals on weekends and plans her meals in advance. She started to sleep train her kids early, which helps everyone catch the right hours of undisturbed sleep. Also she manages to settle the timing of her office meetings with her equally wonderful partner a day in advance so that they can focus on both work and life together. Now that’s what I call a team! Take notes, people.
These are not celebrity moms nor have a ton of help, they are everyday moms like you and me, the ordinary yet doing the extraordinary, even with a raging pandemic.
What about the moms who are raising sons to be independent, responsible, socially aware of their surroundings, and be better human beings? Let me talk about my two childhood friends of mine and how they are doing it differently.
Sheelkamal, an Assistant Vice President at Wells Fargo shares my levels of craziness when it comes to being a person. We were laid back and growing up who always found shortcuts to get our day sorted. We became moms around the same time, while I decided to call it quits and be a full time mother, she took up the challenge of being a full time working parent. That is equivalent to walking barefoot on fire to me, you don’t get any guaranteed sleep at night and you have to be up all day working! That too for a renowned multinational company, for a taxing role and has she even flinched? Well, technically she has at times (Sorry Sheel!) but she has done such a remarkable job as a SuperMommy. Her son is just two and he puts on a mask, washes his hands, can recite a book, and identifies animals. Guess what he does when mommy is on long office calls? He waters the plants! Now that is simply a superb way of raising your kid, teaching them to care for plants. I am so proud of my friend to have balanced the not-so-easy life of being a full time working mom with so much grace. Even though 24 hours may not be enough for her with full fledged responsibilities of house and a kid, staying indoors, keeping the virus at bay, she also pursues her passion of painting, feeding her book cravings with a variety of genres. She stresses on the importance of spending time on doing what makes one happy which helps her to de -stress and be a happy mom!
Moms can we talk about this? The importance of winding down after a busy day. It’s so easy to feel overwhelmed with the list of unending items we need to get done in order to go through a single day and night of course. We lose ourselves the minute we become a mother. Our lives are thrown off balance.
We struggle, we juggle, we strive to maintain sanity.
The long nights, the longer unending days. What gets to me most is the constant stress in my mind, I feel like I am carrying the weight of the earth, I cannot relax, I cannot stop worrying about the safety of my child.
Does this ever end? Does this ever get easier when they get older? Does this mental strain ever lessen even for a minute? And no matter how much I do, there is this tiny voice inside my head telling me, I’m not doing enough, constantly criticizing me, mocking me. There are times I feel I need a break from my own thoughts.
A childhood friend agrees in this matter, Saismita, a SAP SRM consultant based in Munich, mom to a ten year old boy, an upcoming model, urges moms to not lose themselves in this journey of motherhood.
It is very crucial to have a passion, a vision, a dream, a hobby that you have to find time for in your everyday life. She defies all gender bias and teaches her son all the essential life skills. Her son can do the dough, help in the kitchen, organize the pantry, do the laundry, make Sai’s hairstyle, paint her nails, sing devotional songs in multiple languages; she shares her parenting stories on her blog Akshatstories on social media.
In the world I grew up in, the majority of the parents mollycoddle their sons and stress on daughters learning life skills.
A friend of mine recently wrote on social media that “Why is the kitchen a woman’s place if hunger has no gender?”
Cooking just like other essential household skills are life skills that every individual must learn irrespective of their gender. That’s where moms like Sai and Sheel step in and create a much needed awareness for other people to follow, teaching their kids to be better humans.
How can I talk about moms of boys without mentioning my childhood of 20+ years. We have literally grown up together. Deepika works at Infosys and manages a highly stressful technical role along with managing her son who is almost the same age as my daughter. Deepika does an amazing job keeping her son indoors, safe and happy! That’s actually a herculean task. An energetic kid wants to run outdoors, play on the slides and go to school. But this mommy uses all her energy to keep him involved and engaged. She turns daily activities into fun science experiments for him. Her son is one happy kid! He is indoors but he is busy. He is either playing the guitar (yes he can play guitar at 3.5 years of age and he has even come up with the planet song!). He loves doodling, he can make every occasion special with his handmade crafts be it Santa Claus or a snow cloud made up of cotton buds. He is a pro when it comes to reciting poems and even composing them. So how does even Deepika find time to devote time to all the roles? Her secret, she shares is her belief that her emotions are mirrored in her offspring. A simple fundamental she preaches and practices. She says if she is happy her son will be happy and vice versa. The duties, the tough times, the difficulties are not going to last but the good times are going to. She makes sure Teju has a wonderful childhood irrespective of the circumstances. I speak to her whenever I feel demotivated, she always finds the right words to say!
It’s a sin to talk about cheerful happy mommas and not mention my dear sister-in-law, Mistu who lives in Chicago and is a full time IT employee. She and her husband are parents to a wonderful 2-year-old who is the happiest kid you shall ever come across! The reason? Simple, she is doted by a happy momma who is always smiling, doesn’t let her struggles shadow her face or her spirit.
This supermommy not only works from dawn to dusk, keep the house spick and span, but also celebrates all important Indian festivals with her husband and daughter. She can cook 8-10 difficult dishes in under an hour.
It takes me forever to cook just one traditional item and here she is handling a job, kitchen, kid, home and all of that with a happy face!
I look upto these moms, and so many more moms in my real world. I try my best to learn from each of them. My cousins, my all rounder sisters who are acing it in the industries of make up, beauty, boutique, cuisine all along with being moms to amazing kids!
It’s so important for us mommies to have our support system. We need to have a circle of friends which could be our safe go-to place in case of urgent needs, doubts or when we are looking for a little bit of hand-holding. I am a part of such wonderful group on Facebook which has helped me immensely in times of need.
Here I met one such ferocious strong Supermommy, Madhura. A mother of two boys, a coder, an artisan, an entrepreneur, a dog mom, she has a lot on her plate. She started a group on Facebook to support moms located throughout the world. Even though I have not met her face to face but I can feel the aura she radiates. She doesn’t mince her words. She can fight with the entire world if the situation arose and will stand her ground. She and her partner are raising boys that are aware of real world problems, issues, facts rather than fiction. Her elder son is a very obedient kid with table manners that can give adults a run for money!! Even with sons aged so close, she has always maintained her cheerful stance. She balances everything so professionally that I often wonder how she does it all! Maddy is a go-getter. Check out her page Yoshibean on Facebook where she makes unique crafts. Her secret to being a happy and emotionally available mummy is her never-give-up attitude. She always makes time for her exercise, good diet, craft and a glass of wine! Her absolute essentials to maintain her peace of mind. If she makes up her mind for something there is absolutely no stopping her. Even with a 100+ degree fever, lack of sleep, trust her to crack jokes! That’s her. Married to a person who is truly her partner in every way, they share their parenting duties equally so that one person isn’t overburdened. She often shares her wits, wisdoms, tips, advices on her Facebook page and having known her since four years now, I can definitely say she is one-of-a-kind Supermommy!
Before I became a mom, I never understood the big deal about being a mother when the word parent meant both mother and father. But now I can proudly say that I am a doting mother and I leave no stones unturned in delivering my duties.
If you are a mom, you know what I am talking about!
Can we reach out to a foster mom and adoptive moms who go that extra mile to care for a child who isn’t even their flesh and blood, do everything in their capability to give the child a better future. They deserve an applause because it is so hard, especially for foster moms who do not even know their time frame with a particular kid!
I could write a thousand pages celebrating all the fantastic moms I have come across in my life who are examplaries.
I could write about the struggles of motherhood and not be ever able to finish writing.
I could tell you the stories of moms who have sacrificed so much so that their children could have the life they couldn’t.
I could tell you all this and more but instead I make an appeal to you. Reach out to a new mommy. Ask her if she needs help in babysitting or groceries. Let a mom just speak her heart with you. Do not judge, do not give advices, just listen to her, it helps!
This Mother’s Day, don’t get MOM a card, flowers or cake.
Let her nap.
Give her a break from the mundane. Ask her if she needs anything.
Let her be chore free for a day.
This mother’s day, don’t spend on gifts, invest on real emotions and her mental wellbeing.
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