THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION. NAMES, CHARACTERS, BUSINESSES, PLACES, EVENTS, LOCALES AND INCIDENTS ARE THE PRODUCTS OF THE AUTHOR’S IMAGINATION. ANY RESEMBLANCE TO ACTUAL PERSONS, LIVING OR DEAD, OR ACTUAL EVENTS IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.
chapter 1 : PRELUSORY...
10 months later
“I’m not going to see a therapist.”
“Yes, you are.”
“But I don’t want to.”
“Still you have to.”
“You can’t force me to do something I don’t want to.”
“I can.” Carter replies in a matter-of-fact manner.
Evelyn knows this voice too well. Once Carter makes up his mind, there is absolutely no point reasoning with him.
She knows he is not only going to take her to the therapist but also ensure she doesn’t miss a single session. Arguments are futile in situations like these.
A decade ago, she had fallen for this calm, impassive and patient nature of his; lately, it made her resentful of him. She wondered if he had any remorse at all. If he did, how could he be so level-headed after all that they had gone through. How could he behave so normally as if nothing had happened?
It took every ounce of energy for her to think straight but on the other hand Carter was just as he had been – unmoved, unaffected, untouched. Evelyn often wondered if he had shed any tears that day. She couldn’t have known, she was not in her senses. She would never know, she realized.
“How can you be so cold?” she asked, unable to control the volcano of doubts that was erupting inside her mind and making her restless.
Carter looked at her, his eyes peering into her’s; she tried to detect any emotions in them, she could find none.
“I am as heartbroken as you are Evelyn. It’s just that I feel one of us has to be sane right now, else everything is going to fall apart.” Saying so, he hung his head.
Already everything has fallen apart, why can’t you see that? She wondered but didn’t say aloud.
Carter then started winding and unwinding his toes. Experience of living together had taught Evelyn that he did so whenever he wanted to say something but was unable to decide if it should be discussed or not. He had done that for a long time the day he had proposed her. He had done it again on the day of losing his job. On several unpredictable occasions that were dicey as per him, he had done so repeatedly. So what was it that he wasn’t telling her right now? What secrets was he keeping to himself? Why wouldn’t he trust her? They had been so sure of each other from the day they’d met but right now Evelyn wasn’t certain of anything at all, let alone the relationship. Every time she visualized her future with Carter, it resembled a big black hole, dismal, gloomy and empty.
“Just say it Carter.” She uttered.
“Huh” Carter was transported back to the reality from his thoughts, she could tell.
“It’s just that….. It would mean a lot to me if you went to the therapy, for my sake, for our sake. If it doesn’t help, I swear to God, you won’t have to go. Can you go just for today please?” She knew he genuinely wanted her to meet a therapist. Deep in her heart, amidst all the feelings, she knew he still cared. She was quiet for a long time. Carter didn’t punctuate the silence either. After what seemed like a while, he walked up to her engulfing her in his arms. She didn’t protest, she didn’t resist, she gave in. She wept, the tears as if all ready to flow, dampening his T-shirt.
“How did we end up here of all places.” Carter knew it was a rhetorical question.
He kept quiet and stroked her hair. It calmed her.
She went upstairs and got ready. Washed her face, tied her hair, there was no need to apply any make up or look into the mirror. She hadn’t seen the mirror since then. She didn’t need to.
On reaching the hallway, she saw Carter all ready to drop her.
“Do you want to grab some lunch on the way?” he asked.
“Nope, not hungry.” Evelyn said while picking car keys from the counter.
“When did you eat last Ev? I haven’t seen you eat anything since morning. The breakfast I made for you was in the trash.”
Evelyn didn’t answer and hung her bag on her shoulders, indicating she was ready to step out.
“Ev, am driving, no arguments, no discussions.” Carter declared and grabbed the keys from her hands.
Evelyn wanted to protest, there were a hundred accusations she wanted to make at that point but chose to be quiet. After a long time, they had shared a fleeting moment. She wanted the peace to last.
Carter dropped her off at the reception and offered to wait at the parking as the noticeboard in the clinic said “No visitors, Patient only”. Evelyn assured him she would be home by herself soon.
She had to fill up some forms as it was her first visit. Along with the usual details, the questionnaire asked for some personal details. She was informed by the receptionist that she could take the forms back home to fill and get them here during her next visit, but it was mandatory she answered all the questions truthfully recalling everything in as much details as she could from her memory. Evelyn said she would rather complete the form right there than taking them back home.
Once she was done completing the forms, the receptionist accompanied her to a room. It wasn’t the type of room she had expected it to be, rather it was totally opposite to her imagination. It didn’t have any inkling to being a room used for therapy sessions. It had bright yellow colored walls with lots of origami hanging from the ceiling. There were dream catchers hung on the walls. There were decorations, satin window sheets, a huge glass door which opened to a small balcony that had bonsai plants. On the whole, the entire room had a lively feeling to it. The room did manage to uplift her mood.
“Please have a seat. Miss. Avery will be with you shortly.”
Saying so, the receptionist walked out of the room, leaving Evelyn on her own.
Evelyn chose a white cushioned single couch. She was getting comfortable when a young lady possibly in her twenties walked in. She seemed Non-American, had an Asian touch to her. She smiled politely at Evelyn, sat down opposite to her, adjusted her spectacles, took a remote from the table and played soft jazz on the stereo.
Evelyn was expecting to be questioned if she was okay with the music but Avery didn’t bother asking. Evelyn wondered if the music was a part of the therapy.
Avery went through Evelyn’s forms for a while.
After a couple of minutes, she placed the forms on the table and looked straight at Evelyn.
Yet again she adjusted her rimless spectacles and smiled.
“Hello Evelyn, I am Dr. Avery, your therapist. I had a word with your husband a week ago. He referred you for the counselling session. I have gone through your file and am aware of your situation. Now would you like to speak about anything particular or do you want to talk in general.”
Evelyn winced at the question. She didn’t know where to start, even if she started, she knew she couldn’t stop. Even if she narrated everything, would Avery be able to grasp the intensity of the trauma that Evelyn has been through the past few months?
Of course, being a doctor, she would listen, analyze, empathize, write down prescriptions, administer medications; but would she be able to perceive her feelings or emotions. She most certainly would not, no one ever could. It was her burden, her’s alone, she had to bear it in her heart till she was alive, she had to endure the suffering in silence, after all it was her doing, or was it?
“It’s okay I understand your reluctance sharing your innermost thoughts with a complete stranger. I get that. Let’s just talk for now, okay?” Avery said.
Evelyn nodded her head in affirmation.
“Are you sleeping well at nights?”
Evelyn bit her lips, it was a tough question. Most of the nights she wasn’t aware if she was asleep or awake. The nightmares felt too real, the actions were so tangible. She usually woke up with beads of sweat on her forehead. She longed for dreamless sleep.
“I’m not sure Avery however I do feel tired during the day time as if I haven’t had any sleep.”
“Okay. Do you have bad dreams, anxiety attacks, suffocation or any such problems?”
All of them and more, she wanted to answer but instead said “Yes, at times.”
“Have you made peace with the truth, Mrs. Scott?” Avery’s question was a whisper.
Evelyn realized Avery was trying to be sympathetic to her.
“I am not sure Avery.” She replied truthfully.
“You do know you cannot live in denial forever, right?”
“Yes” Evelyn closed her eyes and nodded her head, a tear escaped from her eyes, fell on her hands which were clutching her knees tightly. She wiped the tear with the napkin Avery handed her.
The music had changed in the background, Evelyn’s eyes started drooping, she fell asleep effortlessly, drifted to that same spot she often visited.
“Evelyn, I know you can hear me, even though you are sound asleep. Don’t worry you are in the state of hypnosis. You will feel relaxed and have a heightened state of awareness. Nod your head if you feel alright.”
Evelyn nodded her head in acknowledgement.
“Can you describe what you see?”
A smile spread across Evelyn’s lips. The scene floated in her memory as if it were happening right now.
Carter placing their 11-month-old daughter Mia in the car seat.
Evelyn and Carter arguing if they should postpone their trip due to the weather.
Deciding otherwise, three of them getting into the car, Mia beside Evelyn, Carter driving.
Its nighttime, they are driving, there’s a flashflood, everything happens in quick succession, sudden gush of water spins their car out of control, the windows are shattered by the impact, they start drowning, Carter frantically trying to reach his phone before he passes out.
Evelyn, drowning helplessly, trying her best to unbuckle her seat belt and rescue Mia, who is screaming amidst all the commotion. Evelyn passing out horror stricken, watching Mia closing her eyes, going silent.
After that everything goes dark.
She wakes up two days later in the hospital. The doctors tell her that the car, car seat and the baby in it have drowned. Evelyn and Carter are lucky to be alive after spending few hours under water. They have been rescued by some travelers who happened to see the car drowning and had called the emergency services at the nick of time.
She doesn’t care that she or Carter are alive.
All she wants is to snuggle Mia, her life, her daughter, her heartbeat.
Later the cops come in, they talk about rescue operations, searching in vain, nothing found in the lake.
Their car was caught in a torrent of passing gush of water.
Evelyn begs Carter to take her to the spot so that she can search herself.
Carter denies saying she is too weak to walk.
Evelyn pleads, begs, passes out again.
After that there are intermittent memories of her passing in and out of senses for next few days.
Avery brings Evelyn back from the hypnosis. She hands her a glass of water. The music has changed to jazz again. Even after experiencing the incident all over again, Evelyn is surprisingly calm. She doesn’t feel any pain or anxiety. She feels the hypnosis has to be the reason for her self-restraint.
“Avery, can I ask you a question?”
“Sure. Go ahead.”
“Imagine a mother and daughter are on a viewpoint which is a cliff. The daughter is very young, let’s say 3 years of age. She wants to go to the edge of the cliff out of curiosity just to see what’s below. She drags her adamant mother who insists that they go back. Just then the mother gets distracted for a fleeting second because of a phone call and somehow the daughter manages to drag both of them off the cliff. In such a case, do you blame the mother for the mishap? Was it wrong for her to lose her guard momentarily?”
“Before I answer your question, I want to know what you think about this situation.”
Evelyn had a somber expression on her face.
“I think you cannot blame either the mother or the daughter in this situation. When their bodies were retrieved from below, the little girl had the happiest smile on her face may be because her wish had been granted even though it had costed her life. The mother would have surely passed away mid fall due to a heart attack. Her penultimate thought would have been guilt as to what has she done. If only she could have been more alert and avoided this situation. Her ultimate thought would have surely been sorrow for the untimely loss of her daughter’s life. She wouldn’t have thought about her own life even for a second, that’s for sure. However, to me as an outsider watching this whole scene unfurl, I would be more relieved that they both didn’t have to live without each other as that wouldn’t have been a life anyway. If the mother survived, she would have blamed herself for her daughter’s death and vice versa. Yes two precious lives were over prematurely but at least they were together in life and death.”
Evelyn notices Avery taking notes, scribbling on her notepad.
She wants to add that this incident is simply a fragment of her imagination but withholds her words expecting Avery to be wise enough to understand.
“Evelyn, I have deduced two important facts from your narrative. Firstly, you blame yourself for Mia’s loss. Secondly, you feel your life is futile after her. You wish you had gone with her. Am I right?”
Evelyn looks at the floor below never saying a word or moving an inch.
“I would like to accept your silence as a yes. Is that the reason you didn’t attend Mia’s funeral?”
Evelyn looks at Avery at this question. Her face hardens up. She says rather too curtly “That’s because Mia is alive.”
((To be continued……….))
If you like what you read make sure you follow the blog’s official pages (links below) so that you never miss out a post. Pour your thoughts, perspectives , evaluation about the story in comments below. Its refreshing and extremely motivating to receive feedback !!
It’s a great story! She’s such a loving mother and I appreciate her compassion of loving another child even if it’s not yours!
Thanks a lot for reading and appreciating 🙂
Parenting… sounds familiar actually…
Am glad 🙂 🙂 🙂
Hey there! I’ve read through your article and enjoyed it very much! I have a blog myself and featuring my favourite articles on it (in fact, previously I used to save them on my laptop, but I realized if I’ll repost them on my blog writers and bloggers can benefit a lot from them). So, I was wondering if I can repost your article at http://zecamp.com with all your authorship credits on my blog http://opinions.zecamp.com? If you’re interested, just send me in Twitter your nickname or name, the body of your articles with keywords and description and link so people could find you. To find me here is my Twitter account @Stanis_Yev
Stay creative,
Stanis
Hi Stanis, Even though your offer is quite appealing, I am sorry I have to pass. You can always provide a backlink to my website if you wish to but I cannot let my work be reposted by a website not owned by me. I hope it’s okay. Thank you for reading and the appreciation 🙂
This was really sad to read but well done!
Thanks Sarah. Yeah its a story that starts off as sad and gets sadder as it progresses but its all about never losing hope and holding on 🙂 🙂 Thank you so much for taking the time out to read!
Amazingly written! Will definitely follow this series!
Thank you so much Mukti 🙂 It means a lot to me 🙂 Will be happy to hear your thoughts on the complete story. If you get some time do read and send a feedback 🙂
Another brilliant one ! Waiting eagerly for next part. So nicely written..this story was full of emotions and also throw light on depression. Great work again. xoxo 🙂
Thanks a lot girl for reading and responding. The next parts are available now, please do read and leave a comment. Thanks for the valuable time 🙂
This is excellent, I’m excited to keep reading!
Thank you so much for reading!! I’m happy you liked it 🙂 Do read all the parts and let me know your feedback.
I was hanging onto the edge of my seat reading this! I can’t wait for the next instalment. I wish I had your talent for writing xxx
Thanks a lot!!!! Getting feedbacks like this cheers me up so much! Thanks for reading and commenting. I shall publish the next part soon 🙂
I’m looking forward to the next part of this. I felt so much emotion from the character of Evelyn and could see myself in her.
Excellent job with this 🙂 Keep writing and keep up the good work .
Thank you so much Chloe for reading and empathise with the central character. Thanks a lot for the feedback, It means a lot to me. Keep reading 🙂
Love the story.. but it a lots of emotions and at times it felt like i can watch the characters all the way i read the lines.. some lines are really emotion driven..
Thanks a lot for your support Subbu 🙂
Wow! I am sitting here with tears in my eyes, waiting for what happens next. You are a fantastic writer, and I really felt Evelyn’s pain when she relived the accident. I cannot wait to see what happens next!
Am so sorry the story made you emotional, it choked me up too when I started imagining it in my head. I hope I keep you hooked and justify the story as I write all the parts. Thanks a lot for your time and the feedback. Matters a lot to me 🙂
Nice story! I love how the reader is dropped into the middle of a series of events without any knowledge of the couple circumstances; but also how details of their tragedy trickle through the story, like a map to an unknown destination. Well done!
Roger Petersen
Mind and Love
Your comment is even better than my story! Thanks a lot for reading and dropping by to comment 🙂
This was an easy read! Looking forward to the next part!
Thanks a lot Zaza. I really appreciate your feedback 🙂
This is brilliant. I really looking forward the next part xxx
Thanks a lot Annie. I really appreciate your time and feedback 🙂
I always love reading your work! Can’t wait to keep reading this piece as it develops further!
Thanks a lot Sugi. Glad to have your comment 🙂